Things that are much better being in the past than the present... (time warp)

I was just reading through my texts and I realized that I'm the bs friend, and that its my fault you don't want to talk to me, and not yours.  I feel like I'm being friendly at the time, but everything I say to you is a loaded statement ~ one that I wouldn't want to deal with either ~ prob why the majority of our convos are one way ~ I have to tell you this because I'm douchy like that, and all sensitive and shit, and because I care about what's left of our fucked up friendship (the friendship that I feel I fucked up).

Its just that... We were so cool, and now we're not... ~ kind of awkward and mean to each other as opposed to awesome with love for each other, and that makes me sad....

The biggest problem is that I don't know how to fix it, and the more I try, the more it's fucked. 

So I figure that I gotta put the whole thing on ice until I stop being affected by shit, and be honest to you about that being the case. 

So... if I'm cold to you, or ignor you, or am just generally weird... it's not because I hate you, ~ more likely it's that I don't know what else to do about you ~ plus ~ I can't handle it when you don't respond to me, so the only solution that puts me in control of myself is to not talk in the first place [btw ~ I'm pretty sure that i'll go a little crazy when you don't respond to this, but these are things that will make me crazy if I don't say them, so it's kind of a catch22].  It seems kind of stupid but I really don't know how else to handle things, so a no contact policy seems to be the only reasonable answer.

At least for now... until I can wrap my head around this shit...

I was just reading through my texts and I realized that I'm the bs friend, and that its my fault you don't want to talk to me, and not yours.  I feel like I'm being friendly at the time, but everything I say to you is a loaded statement ~ one that I wouldn't want to deal with either ~ prob why the majority of our convos are one way ~ I have to tell you this because I'm douchy like that, and all sensitive and shit, and because I care about what's left of our fucked up friendship (the friendship that I feel I fucked up).

Its just that... We were so cool, and now we're not... ~ kind of awkward and mean to each other as opposed to awesome with love for each other, and that makes me sad....

The biggest problem is that I don't know how to fix it, and the more I try, the more it's fucked. 

So I figure that I gotta put the whole thing on ice until I stop being affected by shit, and be honest to you about that being the case. 

So... if I'm cold to you, or ignor you, or am just generally weird... it's not because I hate you, ~ more likely it's that I don't know what else to do about you ~ plus ~ I can't handle it when you don't respond to me, so the only solution that puts me in control of myself is to not talk in the first place [btw ~ I'm pretty sure that i'll go a little crazy when you don't respond to this, but these are things that will make me crazy if I don't say them, so it's kind of a catch22].  It seems kind of stupid but I really don't know how else to handle things, so a no contact policy seems to be the only reasonable answer (meaning: you'll get less crazy texts).

At least for now... until I can wrap my head around this shit...

(At which point you will get even crazier texts, but in a good way as opposed to a weird and creepy way ~ peace:)