Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Maladies & Melancholy

It's pretty cut and dry.  There's a sadness inside me that grips at my soul and destroys it - on a regular basis.  There's no purpose to it, it's just there all the time, gnawing on my existence, trying to crush me.

Sometimes I think that it's cancer having a love affair with my soul, before it moves in, and takes over my body.  As if cancer was like a demon that preys on the last remnants of a broken heart.

But is my heart really broken?  All i know is that it doesn't work right.  I tell it to work correctly and love all the people in all the right ways, and it just laughs at me and reaks of Cancer's musk.  It feels indiscriminant dischord with itself, and projects its own self-loathing discrimination onto all within shouting distance.

The one, within the one, grasps hold onto the other, in order to make them all whole.  Disjointed and uncleansed in the eyes of the blanket, all is uncovered. 

Too many encryptions there to make any sense to anyone who does not already feel the same in their own hearts, but to know in the head and feel in the heart can make one dizzy in the gut, and empty in the stomach.

(This doesn't even make sense to me anymore - I must just like the sight of my own voice.)

------------pause break------------

What do you call a deer with one eye?

One eye'd deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

(No eye'd deer) No idea

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